Do you have unreal conversations about money with your spouse or your partner?
What do I mean by unreal? Simply put, unreal conversations gloss over the truth, they attempt to please the other person by saying what the other person just wants to hear, or they can be conversations that beat around the bush, no one ever really saying what they need to say.
Usually, unreal conversations about money, or anything for that matter, are spoken when you or the other person is afraid, anxious, or very upset. You might fear having a disagreement or conflict resulting in the other person getting angry with you. Avoiding talking about money is really about avoiding your feelings of anger, guilt, fear, or shame, something you can experience in many of your relationships.
Please, don’t let this happen to you!
I must admit, over the years, my ‘pleasing style’ of resistance (avoiding conflict) created money walls between me, my husband and my clients. When I finally got around to discussing money, it never went smoothly, and it often didn’t go well.
I knew that I, my husband, and many of my clients hated talking about money. It was inevitable that all of us would be thrown into our fight/flight mode of survival.
Once we’re in our automatic, fearful reaction mode, we become 8 year olds who are having a conversation involving money that objective thinking adults need to be having. From this perspective, we only have two options available to bring to the conversation, fight (blame and defend) or flight (ignore, or try to please).
Unfortunately, for many years, my husband lived in a mood of fear, not knowing where we stood, and I lived in a mood of resentment and worry, handling everything by myself. These destructive dispositions around money never generated any real proactive action or planning.
I was also very hesitant to charge what my services were worth, much less, impart that value to my clients. I undercharged and over delivered constantly.
My clients certainly picked up on my anxiety about me asking for my price, and I picked up on their anxiety about not having enough money or trusting that they would receive the value.
Does discussing money matters in your personal or your business life cause you to revert back into your childhood beliefs and emotional experiences of insecurity, unworthiness, fear, anger or guilt?
If so, you are in a fearful, dysfunctional relationship with money, with your value, your worthiness, your capability. It is never about the money directly. Money is a symbol of value exchanged. Money is an amplifier of what we believe about our value. It amplifies what someone else believes is valuable to them and what they believe they deserve to receive.
You can be in a power struggle with money (your own self worth) as easily as you can be in a power struggle with another person. It’s really all the same.
Who you believe yourself to be and what you believe you deserve is the key. Self awareness is the beginning of a process that you must engage in. There are four (4) vital steps you must begin to take that will liberate you from being stuck in your fear and anxiety in your relationship with money or anyone you feel victimized to:
- Acknowledge where you are emotionally;
- Acknowledge where you want to be and how you want to feel;
- Accept your current perspective or situation without judgment;
- Allow the truth of who you are to emerge and to be your truth.
While this seems like a simple process, it is not easy. I had to develop a trust in love, and I had to believe that love wanted me to have the life that I wanted. I came to believe that I deserved to have a life that was rich, fulfilling, and amazingly supportive of me to be the best of me that I was born to be.
I came to believe and embrace the truth of who I really am – a magnificent, powerful, abundantly creative and prosperous being of the Universe that was designed to WIN! Everything changed after that. And, my husband and my client base changed too!
I want this for you! You are a treasure to behold, and I behold you that way! Please Contact me to schedule a free consultation to determine the next most powerful steps for you to be free from your survival-fears.
Love and blessings,