Weekly Words of Wisdom Q&A: Guidance, Direction, and Truth
For the conscious, heart-centered business owner, entrepreneur, and professional who is most likely working way too hard to BE the best that they can BE.
Master certified coach, Judy K. Katz, your manifesting and attraction authority and mentor, answers your most pressing questions for creating a life of meaning and purpose while enjoying wealth in all areas of your business and personal life.
To submit your question, please go to www.judykkatz.com/sage-advice
This week’s question comes from Jan in NM.
My husband and I are divorced, and we have grown children. We all get along reasonably well, yet, I become so defensive when my daughter shares so much with her dad and leaves me out. I don’t seem to be included in her life in an intimate way. It’s like she avoids me.
I have had a strained relationship with my daughter for quite some time. I do love her very much. I just want her to connect with me in the same way that she connects with her dad. What am I doing wrong that keeps my daughter at a distance?
Hi Jan, thank you for your heartfelt question. I first want to give you permission to stop making yourself wrong. Your concern points to the fact that you really do want to have a close relationship with your daughter. Good for you!
I think it would be helpful if you would consider what is missing in your relationship with your daughter. What keeps the two of you from being more loving and close? This could lead you to the solution you seek.
If your daughter does not bond with you the way that she does with her dad, what do you think she struggles with in her relationship with you? Now, please don’t hear this as blaming you. Just consider what she might be struggling with.
All issues in relationships involve both parties. The good news is, when one person changes, the entire relationship changes, I promise you!
You are keenly aware that you are struggling with wanting to be closer to your daughter and you’re not. How do you think your defensiveness comes across to her when she talks to you? While you probably feel very right and justified to point out what you want from her, look at how you are being with her in your conversations. How do you think you sound to her?
I have a phrase that I invite you to remember from now on. “Expectations kill relationships.” Do you expect her to be close with you? You may not be consciously aware that you are holding your desire as an expectation. Expectations do not allow for free will and choice.
I invite you to begin a mental practice of non-judgment with your daughter. I believe that acceptance and non-judgment is what is missing in your relationship with your daughter.
The practice of non-judgment and acceptance goes like this:
- Think “yes” to everything you notice that your daughter does or does not do. You will feel a lot of resistance to this if you are deeply resisting her actions with an internal NO. This will show you the truth of who you are being in this adult relationship.
- Remember: No (should or should not/rules) = resistance = fight/flight reactions.
- Hold the intention to free your (adult) daughter from your expectations. This robs her of her free will and her freedom to choose. This is why expectations are so damaging. You are no longer her authority. She is an adult.
- Turn your “she should” . . . into “I could” . . . statements. In other words, invite yourself to be more open and accepting of her, regardless of the choices she makes. She will feel the freedom and acceptance to be herself when she is around you or in conversation with you. She will no longer need to flee from the clutches of your expectations.<./li>
Love can only grow in the environment of acceptance and forgiveness. Give both you and your daughter a huge dose of each. This will feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. You will feel lighter and she will feel it too! This is daughter attractive!
To transform a relationship is to transform your (our) world. Please contact me if you are seeking help to improve and transform a close business or personal relationship. This is a huge money leak by the way! We can discuss the best strategy that you can take that will bring you the peace and joy that you want.
My best to you for all of the peace, abundance, and joy that you deserve!
In love and abundance,
“Dream it, own it, and make it REAL”
P.S. This is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I’ll personally respond to a question that I believe in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish.)
It is my heartfelt intention that, in answering your questions, I will provide you with perspectives and Universal Truths that, when adopted and applied in your life, will set you free to attract what you want from a place of abundance and inspiration, rather than urgency and desperation.
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